Chastisement or Divine Parenting?
Being chastised is not something most of us look forward to. It’s scary and it doesn’t usually feel good. But do we truly understand what chastisement from God means? And why do we dread it?
Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you whom I love, and whom I love, I also chasten that their sins may be forgiven; for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all things out of temptation, and I have loved you – Wherefore, ye must needs be chastened and stand rebuked before my face. D&C 95:1-2
To chasten means: to correct by punishment or suffering; to prune of excess; or to cause to be more humble or restrained. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
Bible Hub explains: “The term ‘chasten’ in the Bible refers to the act of disciplining or correcting someone, often with the purpose of moral or spiritual improvement. It is a concept deeply rooted in the biblical understanding of God’s relationship with His people, where discipline is seen as an expression of love and a means to foster righteousness.”
Divine Chastisement includes aspects of relationship and love with the goal of increased righteousness.
We see this all over the scriptures.
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Heb 12:6-8 KJV
Another translation reads: The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child never disciplined by his father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Heb 12:6 NLT
If God chastises His children whom He loves, then when He chastises us, He is lovingly parenting us. If we are not being chastised, guided, or protected by God, He is does not recognize us as His own. We are not in as close relationship with Him as we could be. We cannot be close to God and avoid His input in our lives.
We are God’s children, literally and spiritually. When we choose to enter into a covenant with Him, we strengthen and solidify our parent-child relationship and say yes to all that entails. Yes, Heavenly Father. Yes, I want you to correct me, deliver me from temptation, and point me to more righteousness. Why do we resist this? Could be pride. Could be embarrassment. Whatever it is, it hinders our ability to be parented, coached, corrected, and guided. Without enough humility, we are in danger of slowing or stopping our personal growth and progression. A river that is stopped from its forward progress is dammed. So can we be damned if we insist on it.
Why do toddlers sometimes resist or throw a fit when we stop them from running into a busy road? It seems silly from a parent’s perspective, but not to the toddler. They just want to keep running. The toddler doesn’t know being stopped was how the parent saved his life. Could the same be true for us and Heavenly Father? We cannot always see the danger. Not seeing constant danger is certainly a mercy, but also a disadvantage - especially when our limited view causes us to think we know more than our parents.
How can we receive divine chastisement in a more effective way? We can start by checking our testimony of our Heavenly Father. How much do we believe God is truly God, He knows the end from the beginning, He loves us perfectly, has a real interest in our daily lives, and wants us to return to Him? Perhaps the most important point is made by Reverend Cavanaugh. “…in thirty-five years of religious studies, I’ve come up with only two hard incontrovertible facts: There is a God, and, I’m not him.” (Quote from the movie Rudy)
Knowing we are not God should not be a shock to any of us. So why do we get upset when we are reminded of that fact? We don’t know as much. We don’t have all the answers. We need help. Even though we are not all-knowing heavenly beings, He is no less interested in us. What do we need to let go of in order to trust our Heavenly Father wants what is best for us and will walk with us every step of the way? That is question number two. Something is holding us back from everything He wants to give us. What is it?
We cannot separate the fact that our Heavenly Father is a perfect parent and he chastises His children.
What do perfect parents do? They love, support, spend time, provide for needs, give boundaries, encourage often, tutor, teach, give fair consequences, protect, offer direction, bestow privileges, share their name, have clear expectations, and much, much more!
As we get used to this idea that divine chastisements are loving interest in us, we can see other scriptural examples. Doctrine & Covenants is FULL of chastisements! Members in the early restored church were singled out for chastisement regularly, sometimes by name, and sometimes as a group.
When we read those verses, we are getting a sneak peek at people being divinely parented by God. It can feel like when we see a sibling being reprimanded by Mom or Dad. But let’s remember: because they are being chastised, we know He claims them as His own. He loves them and is genuinely interested in their progress. They are His children in close covenant with Him. These are His chosen lambs. They do not need our pity, they need our love as siblings of Christ and support as fellow-travelers in the covenant path.
Chastisements are always a cross-roads. When chastisements come - and they will for each of us - do we receive or reject them? Many of the examples in the Doctrine & Covenants left the church as a result of chastisement. Will we? Yes, it hurts. But He is also The Healer. We can trust He will not leave us bleeding.
Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole. Job 5:17-18 KJV
Another translation clarifies: But consider the joy of those corrected by God! Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty when you sin. For though he wounds, he also bandages. He strikes, but his hands also heal. Job 5:17-18 NLT
Why would being corrected by God be joyful?
Because the source of joy is to truly know God. If we are in a close enough relationship to be parented by Him, we can know Him, and therefore we will know who we truly are, including our value. (See Alma 19:6, Alma 22: 15-18, Alma 26: 11-37)
Mortality is inherently difficult. How can we know when we are receiving divine parenting or experiencing something else? Godly things share similar traits such as: (D&C 88: 63-64, 67)
No fear - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7 KJV
Include God’s (charity) - patient, kind, not jealous/boastful/proud/rude, not irritable, rejoices in truth, never gives up, always hopeful, endures through every circumstance. 1 Cor 13:4-7 NLT
Encourage progression
Expansive and freeing
Builds and teaches
Purifying
Full of light
Point us to God
Because Satan always provides a counterfeit to God, what do hardships from him include? (2 Nephi 28:20-22)
Criticism/condemnation
Traps and restricts
Awareness without hope
Self-loathing and shame
Stuck/damned
Destructive
Darkness
Deception
Points to ourselves: SELFISH
If you compare the lists, there is no contest. Divine parenting points us to heaven and fills us with light and hope. Satan’s counterfeit points us inward to ourselves where we will spiral and eventually self-destruct.
Our loving Heavenly Father wants to give us an abundant life. (John 10: 9-14 KJV) He can do that when we allow Him into our lives - fully - allowing ourselves to be parented by Him. If we hold nothing back, neither will He. This is the goal of our covenant relationship with Him: full surrender and consecration.
Meanwhile, the devil stalks us like a lion stalks prey, waiting for any opportunity to devour us. (1 Peter 5:8 KJV)
Once we can accept that the “what” of divine parenting and chastisement are worth it… how do we use our agency to receive it?
And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and become as a little child, and be baptized in my name, or ye can in nowise receive these things. (3 Nephi 11: 38)
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 3:19)
One way to receive divine parenting is to accept and lean into our role as His child. Just as earthly children, even when grown we will never become our parent’s parent. We will always be the child in our relationship with our Heavenly Parents. We cannot usurp God. As children we are dependent on our parents, we rely on them and trust them to take care of our needs. We accept their offerings, and even expect them. We ask for help. Sometimes we demand things, other times we remember to be grateful. And no matter where our earthly parents fell short, our Heavenly Parents will never fall short. They will exceed our expectations if we are brave enough to ask.
It can feel like we give up so much to remain humble and receive chastisement. But when we do, the blessings are waiting for us. Do we need more convincing? We can trust that the promised blessings are real and abundant!
I am a child of God, Rich blessings are in store, if I but learn to do His will, I’ll live with Him once more. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday. (I Am a Child of God, verse 3)
D&C 95: 4, 8, 11 - That I may pour out my Spirit upon all flesh…I…endow those whom I have chosen with power from on high…If you keep my commandments you shall have power…
D&C 84:88 - I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.
Exodus 14:13-14 KJV - Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will [accomplish for you] today: for [your enemies] whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more for ever. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Power, protection, presence - these are a few of the abundant blessings waiting for us when we allow ourselves to accept Him as our Benevolent Parent.
I love Elder Maxwell’s perspective:
It is so easy to be halfhearted, but this only produces half the growth, half the blessings, and just half a life, really, with more bud than blossom…
Required… is meekness of mind which recognizes God’s perfect love of us … and accepting that God desires our full development and true happiness…. Such meekness requires genuine intellectual honesty, owning up to the learning experiences of the past and listening to the Holy Ghost …
God’s counsel aligns us … with the great realities of the universe; whereas sin empties, isolates, and separates us, confining us to the solitary cell of selfishness. Hence the lonely crowd in hell…
Spiritual submissiveness means…community and communion as the mind and the heart become settled. We then spend much less time deciding, and much more time serving…
Yielding one’s heart to God signals the last stage in our spiritual development…
Sometimes, our holding back occurs because we lack faith or we are too entangled with the cares of the world. Other times, there is in us an understandable tremulousness … because we sense what further yielding might bring.
Yet we need to break free of our old selves…and become susceptible to the shaping of the Lord. But the old self goes neither gladly nor quickly. Even so, this subjection to God is really emancipation.
How can we truly acknowledge the Fatherhood of God and refuse His tutorials? …
Submissiveness also checks our tendency to demand advance explanations of the Lord… the willingness to wait for …explanation is a sign of real faith and of trust spread over time.
If faithful, we ended up acknowledging that we are in the Lord’s hands and should surrender to the Lord on His terms–not ours. It is total surrender, no negotiating; it is yielding with no preconditions…
It is only by yielding to God that we can begin to realize His will for us. And if we truly trust God, why not yield to His loving omniscience? After all, He knows us and our possibilities much better than do we…
Which will we do most, murmur or ponder? …
For the faithful, what finally emerges is a…reassuring realization that we are in the Lord's hands! But, brothers and sisters, we were never really anywhere else! (Elder Maxwell, April 1985)
There is so much to be gained by aligning our will with our Heavenly Father.
And I will bless her with blessings, and multiply a multiplicity of blessings upon her, and upon her generations forever and ever, saith the Lord your God. Amen. (D&C 97:28)
To me that sounds like Heavenly Father is saying, “I want to give all the blessings to everyone forever and ever.”
Sound too good to be true? What’s the catch? What do we have to do?
Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits are contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice — yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord, shall command — they are accepted of me. (D&C 97:8)
Keep your covenants and let go of what’s holding you back. Accept chastisement with love. If we don’t, Elder Maxwell warns:
Suppose Enoch had demurred when called by the Lord? He would have gone on being a good person, serving the Lord part-time, living in a city which was a slum compared to the glorious City of Enoch… (Elder Maxwell, April 1985)
Can what we’re holding onto now really be better than what God has in store for us? Are we settling for a slum?
Sister Linda S. Reeves taught, [It] is my personal feeling that the reward is so great, so eternal and everlasting, so joyful and beyond our understanding that in that day of reward, we may feel to say to our merciful, loving Father, “Was that all that was required?” I believe that if we could daily remember and recognize the depth of that love our Heavenly Father and our Savior have for us, we would be willing to do anything to be back in Their presence again, surrounded by Their love eternally. (October 2015)
Knowing the rewards will be great once our mortal life ends, is only part of the blessing. We were not promised mortality would be easy, but we are promised we don’t have to be alone. All we have to do is ask.
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:18)
God desires presence with us. Will we say yes?